Love Stuck: when love plagues the brain

Bonjour Tout le Mode!

It’s 1:53a and a starling thought just occurred to me that I must share with you… I believe my mind is stuck in love with this guy I’ve been casually dating for the past 6+ months. The crazy part is, I have spent the last month purging him out my system. I have reached a level of success with my emotions however my mind remains in a limbo…

Let me briefly explain why this is post worthy news, I am a woman who thinks logically about my engagements with human beings yet I am a free-spirit, floating aimlessly through the winds nestling at places along my path. I am friendly, loving and brutally honest with my intentions, at times.  I have been buzzing around single for quite some time, and I have decided that in 2013, I Will Make An Effort To Have A Relationship. I have chose this path in light of a pregnant scare I had a while back. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to have a child with a guy who: 1. I didn’t take seriously  2. Could be the neighbourhood whore 3. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to introduce him to my world or get to know him in his. DEEP, no? In that thought I realised that it was time I start dating, seriously. In doing so, I have slowly let go of my delicious list of men whom I’d had rendez-vous with. (PAUSE) Let us have a moment of silence…

That was a moment to recognize: Good Sex… Yes, I said it AND dedicated a few seconds of reflection.

We ALL have those reminiscent flashbacks and smile at the aftermath…  In this situation, has my mind under siege. I dated a guy who alleged to have understood where I was coming from and agreed to date me. Months past, good sex was had, delightful food was eaten and the fun somehow merged into casual sex link ups. Which is the opposite direction I am going. Realising that I had to get off the pleasure train, was a sad struggle. Everyday I had made steps to re-gain my sanity as being solo, and it was hard. I couldn’t remember the last time I been through this! My body was going through withdrawal, well actually my “lil lady” was going through it the most. A month has pasted and I’ve got it together, for the most part. Now I cant get him off my mind, his characteristics pop up every now and then. Something, anything, can remind me of him. Pourqoi?   How do I remove this guy from my mind. Part of me wants to verbally tell him, ” GET OUT OF MY HEAD” in hopes that it’ll work; yet I hear a small voice somewhere in my cerebral domain begging me to NOT do that. When I hear that voice, I’ve heard it once before – I’m slightly concerned that I may be schizo,  I get confused. Why is there a campaign to save “us”???

I have paced back and forth wondering recklessly in my mind and aloud, for an answer. I then come up with one and somehow manage to get more confused then I was before. It is ridiculous and partially humourous. So, I asked friends even strangers, if they been in a similar situation. They all said the word that I’ve loathed for years, LOVE. Yikes!  How can I be in love with someone who doesn’t seem to fit the mole I desire? This question posed a new question, Do I really know what I want in a mate? Yes, I know what I am attracted to but does that constitute a sound ground to build a relationship? I haven’t been in the dating field for so long what do I do with a guy I like and don’t want to lower the value of our meet ups by having sex with him before we really know each other enough to not confuse, or complicate things?

I’m still deliberating with myself over this madding problem… Hopefully I will have answers before the start of winter… Ha!

SALUT!!!    :-* kisses!!!

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